You’ve probably seen lots of photos on the internet of passed-out salarymen, but have you ever been curious about what sober people get up to? No? Oh well, have this survey from Goo Ranking regardless, where they look at typical behaviours of non-drinkers.

As an ex-vegetarian, I can identify with a number of the answers as explaining being a veggie got very tiring; if I hadn’t minded the white lie, the best answer is just “religious reasons”. The true answer involved one flatmate’s awful cooking, Morrissey, ripping chicken legs off (shop-bought cuts, not live hens!), and, in a very roundabout way, religion.

Note that in Japan there are a lot of all-you-can-drink offers; almost every izakaya (traditional restaurant/pub mash-up thing) offers set menus with optional all-you-can-drink add-ons from about 1,000 to 2,000 yen, so most office booze-ups end up at these kinds of places.

If you thought sweet cigarettes were bad (I believe they are banned these days in many countries), in Japan as well as Chanmeri (fake champagne aimed at kids), we have this drink which they used to call “Beer for Kids”, but now perhaps to be more socially acceptable is just “Drink for Kids”:

Fun fact: 0% beer-like drinks from beer manufacturers (even completely 0.00% fizzy hops tea) require you to be over 20 to purchase.

Ranking results

Q: What are stereotypical behaviours of non-drinkers on a night out? (Sample size=2,190)

Rank
 
Votes
1
They end up as the designated driver
283
2
They don’t drink, but like beer nibbles
224
3
They don’t know how great beer tastes
193
4
It’s difficult to split the bill since they don’t drink
187
5
They turn red as soon as they touch alcohol
174
6
People trying to get them to drink are a pain
124
7
They cannot get into the swing of things once everyone gets a little merry
110
8
In order to get their fair share, they scoff tonnes of food
89
9
They are happy if there’s a rich choice of soft drink options
89
10
They get tired explaining about not drinking
66
11
Every time they say “Just one then…” they get unwell
57
12
They feel stupid paying several hundered yen for Oolong tea
47
13
They get a sore head as soon as they touch alcohol
43
14
Drunks always ask them to help them home, etc
41
15
They dream of being able to drink
37
16
They have trouble disposing of beers that get poured for them
36
17=
They refuse so many booze-ups people stop asking them
35
17=
They get tired thinking up excuses for skipping booze-ups
35
19=
Booze-ups with sporty types are tough
32
19=
They don’t know the difference between highballs, chuhai and sours
32
21
They don’t have any stories about their own drunken embarrassments
29
22
They only have a drink in their hands for toasts
27
23
They tend to be put in charge of gathering up the money
25
24=
They feel a little special as they don’t spend as much as the drinkers
21
24=
They want to try a non-alcoholic booze-up
21
26
They feel good about not being drunk
18
27
They don’t know the difference between Nihonshu (brewed) and Shochu (distilled)
17
28
The straw in their soft drink gets in the way
16
29
They can just about manage a chocolate liquor
15
30
They make that “Aaaahhh!” beer-hitting-the-spot scream downing their Oolong tea in one
9
31
Other
74

Demographics

Between the 25th of August and the 9th of September 2018 2,190 visitors to the goo Ranking site and associated properties completed a public questionnaire. No demographics were collected.


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