Mood-ruining self-centredness from your partner

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goo Ranking took a look at as it says in the title, what self-centredness from one’s partner ruins the mood, for both men’s views on their partner and women’s views on theirs.

Demographics

Over the 7th and 8th of December 2012 1,059 members of the goo Research monitor group completed a private internet-based questionnaire. 61.4% of the sample were female, 10.8% in their teens, 14.4% in their twenties, 24.9% in their thirties, 28.8% in their forties, 11.5% in their fifties, and 9.6% aged sixty or older. Note that the score in the results refers to the relative number of votes for each option, not a percentage of the total sample.

I think most of the answers apply to people at the girlfriend/boyfriend stage, not married couples. I hope I don’t do any of the male acts, although numbers 14 and 18 hit a bit close to home! On the other hand, … my wife might be reading!

Ranking results

Q1: What self-centredness behaviour by your partner ruins the mood? (Sample size=409, male)

Rank   Score
1 She hates my unfaithfulness, but is indifferent about her own unfaithfulness 100
2 When we argue, even if she is in the wrong she won’t apologise 96.5
3 She gets angry if presents are not expensive 83.2
4 Without considering my own situation she asks me to come round soon 77.9
5 She insists I touch base every day 70.8
6= She gets angry if we do something different from what she thinks we should do 68.1
6= She cancels dates at the last minute with “I’m not in the mood 68.1
8 If I’m busy at work and slow to get in touch she asks “Which is more important, work or me?” 62.8
9 She has severe impulse shopping urges and always pleads “Buy it for me!” 60.2
10 She always asks “How much do you love me?” 58.4
11 She tells me not to speak to other women 58.4
12 She is in the habit of being slow to reply to email, etc, but gets angry if I’m not prompt 54.0
13 If I’m not dressed up she says it’s embarrassing to be seen together 49.6
14 She is fussy about the grade of restaurant we go to on dates 46.9
15 She asks me to align my days off with hers 43.4
16 She always asks “Am i cute?” 41.6
17 She requests I phone every night and keep talking until she feels sleepy 40.7
18 She is particular about our memorial dates (eg, one month anniversary, 100 day anniversary) 39.8
19 She always requests dates every day off 37.2
20 She puts a higher priority on her girlfriends 31.0
21 She won’t settle unless we can meet on Christmas Day, Valentines Day, other big days 30.1
22 She comes out with quiz questions that I don’t really understand, like “Do you remember what today is?” 26.5
23 She insists that I see her all the way home every time 25.7
24 She gets angry if I don’t reply, Like, etc her SNS posts 23.0
25 She dumps all the food she dislikes on my plate 17.7

Q2: What self-centredness behaviour by your partner ruins the mood? (Sample size=650, female)

Rank   Score
1 He hates my unfaithfulness, but is indifferent about his own unfaithfulness 100
2 When we argue, even if he is in the wrong he won’t apologise 94.1
3 He is always asking for a loan 90.5
4 He tells me not to speak to other men 83.7
5 Without telling me he goes off out with another woman 76.9
6 He cancels dates at the last minute with “I’m not in the mood 70.6
7 He insists I touch base every day 69.7
8 He always asks “How much do you love me?” 67.9
9 If I’m busy at work and slow to get in touch he asks “Which is more important, work or me?” 67.9
10 He gets angry if we do something different from what he thinks we should do 65.2
11= Without considering my own situation he asks me to come round soon 62.4
11= Even when I come round to visit he spends all his time playing computer games by himself 62.4
11= He is in the habit of being slow to reply to email, etc, but gets angry if I’m not prompt 62.4
14 He leaves all the bothersome details up to me to take care of 61.1
15 He gets angry if presents are not expensive 60.6
16 He requests I phone every night and keep talking until he feels sleepy 58.8
17 He only gets in touch when he feels like it 58.4
18 He leaves planning dates up to me 57.0
19= If I’m not dressed up he says it’s embarrassing to be seen together 50.2
19= He insists that I praise him 50.2
21 He asks me to align my days off with his 49.3
22 He gets angry if I don’t reply, Like, etc his SNS posts 43.9
23 He says “I’m tired” and falls asleep before me 38.5
24 He doesn’t tidy up the dishes 37.6
25 He puts a higher priority on his male friends 31.7
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3 comments »

  1. Daniel said,
    January 28, 2013 @ 13:51

    Wow what’s up with all the unfaithfulness, it’s like everyone cheats over there or something. This puts me off from dating Japanese woman, I know not all woman will be like that but if it’s number 1 on the list for themselves to being unfaithful then that’s a turn off to me. But looking at the actual poll it’s bit different, it just says about their partner cheating not themselves cheating, but I do agree cheating is the worst plus I agree with everything else on the list

    • Ken Y-N said,
      January 28, 2013 @ 22:25

      I cannot really comment on how common being unfaithful in a boyfriend/girlfriend-level relationship is, but I think the sort of girl that is likely to play the field or demand expensive presents would be rather obvious! However, refusing to apologise is a trait of women the world over! :-)

      PS: I changed “selfishness” to “self-centredness” as I felt it was a better translation in context, just in case you noticed something odd!

      • Daniel said,
        January 29, 2013 @ 12:03

        Oh okay thank you & yes I noticed refusing to apologise is world over. I live in New Zealand & I notice a lot of girls here seem to have the same problems on the list (I think it’s pretty much world over, especially in western countries). Was I right that it was just the partner cheating or is it actually “he/she hates my unfaithfulness, but is indifferent about his/her own unfaithfulness”? I watch this channel on You Tube “JapanChannelDotCom” which has an Australian guy that’s been living in Japan for a number of years & he said that girls like that over there are rare (obviously the refusing to apologise trait still stands, he definitely doesn’t need to talk about that XD).

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